Why you should care
Because some of us will get better at this and some of us will not.
You have sexy questions? Eugene has sexy answers. Write. Now: Eugene@ozy.com
Mouth Sex Secrets
EUGENE, SIR: My boyfriend reads you and so here’s this: could you pass along some tips on the best ways to give oral sex? I mean for him. – name withheld by request
Dear Tall Order: A better question is: could I teach you to tango using only words? Some things are better shown than told but since I imagine neither of you woke up today expecting to invite me in to have sex with you, I’ll have to do more telling than showing but the return might be really limited. I just say that to say, I’m going to try my hardest but success is not guaranteed here. Especially when I open with a major concept like: sex is process-based. Now if the process begins and, yes, ends without you having an orgasm over the course of time, process-based or not, you might be right in being kind of cranky about your process. However if your process is understood to be one that involves maximizing the fun portions and minimizing the not-fun ones you’re on your way.
Which is to say he should know that the vagina is his playground. Not a way station between your clothes being off and his orgasm. He should set some time for himself and you. Let’s pick one out of the air: more than 10 minutes, less than 30. Within that range he should and could adopt a body posture that’s comfortable for him, say, on his back. With you mounted on his mouth, which lets you move in ways that, again, maximize the fun and minimize the not-fun.
Now: play. It’s not magic. Not yet, it’s not. He’s not rushing, you’re not worried about him rushing. He’s using his fingers. He’s going to town. Like? Yes, like when he is kissing. And you’re vocal in your feedback so it doesn’t feel like sailing in the dark and he doesn’t stop until you have an orgasm or want to have intercourse, by which I mean: get screwed.
This should work and if it doesn’t nothing will.
Blowing the Man Down
EUGENE, SIR: I’m bad at blowjobs I think since men usually make me stop at some point and then get shy when I ask them to tell me what feels good and what doesn’t and just saying “it all feels good” is not enough. Any email advice you can give that will make sense? – M
Dear Using Your Head: Them stopping you is not a sign at all that things are going badly. It could very well be a sign that things are going really well. Like REALLY well. Like TOO well and the advancing orgasm he is in the grips of is not something he wants to be in the grips of before he’s gotten down to the business of the business at hand. Which in his mind could be: screwing you.
But what feels good? Creatively delivered penis love but I understand that’s overly broad. Languid is sometimes good. Speedy and hard is also sometimes good. Hands are good. Sometimes. And your body positioning is super important as some add, some detract. Some find the man on his back to be less conducive to a good time than the man standing or kneeling but, again, the play is the thing by which you will mine what’s on your partner’s mind since that’s all “success” is here anyway: doing what feels the coolest for both of you.
But definite not-fun things: rushed things done without concern, care or craft. This is philosphy, baby. Hope it helps!