Why you should care
OZY’s Eugene S. Robinson addresses queries from the love-weary in “Sex With Eugene.”
More Problems With Porn
EUGENE, SIR: Whether it’s the Mia Khalifa story or the Bree Olson story, it seems pretty clear that porn is not good for at least half the people in porn, specifically the women, so why is this still part of what people think is OK today? And how do I handle it when my husband of the last year wants us to have sex on film? I am sure “porn-y” feels sexy to some but to me it really doesn’t. I want to decline, but I can’t give a good reason other than what I said. Can you? — The Not Good Wife
Dear The Good Wife: Yeah, I read the Mia Khalifa piece and for those not in the know, the former porn star is claiming that from only three months of work she was just paid $12,000 — although her three months of sex scenes lead the web in porn searches a decade after she quit. Which really means all searches, unless we’re talking pussycat videos. And yes, it took a lot of effort to skip by the easy pussycat joke.
She goes on to say that it wasn’t the best life decision for her but one that made sense to her at the time, being that she always felt the “other” as a slightly bookish, overweight Lebanese-American teen. After quitting the industry, her attempts to gain traditional straight work — she’s got a degree in history from the University of Texas — were largely unsuccessful. Because: porn.
But unpack the sex/morality issue and the issue seems to be a business issue. I was in the worst movie of 1987, Leonard Part 6 with Bill Cosby, and I still receive royalty checks — albeit under $1 — for it, and the star of that movie is in jail. How is it possible that the men driving luxury automobiles off the work she did a decade ago are actually driving luxury automobiles while she can’t get a temp gig?
Now try thinking about all of that and still be in a “sexy” mood? Unless you’re a hardcore capitalist, you should be a little wilted right about now since while my house painter only gets paid once and I enjoy his work to this day, my house painter can paint other houses quite easily. Not your fault that workers who are willing to be used for your entertainment get raw deals, you say? Well, that’s hardly the issue when we’re talking about specifically what we find sexy, right?
You and your husband having sex on video though? Totally different thing. Kind of. No one should be doing anything naked (or clothed) that they feel uncomfortable with when they’re with someone they love. Your distaste, however, seems political. So if you married a smart guy, tell him what you’ve told us and talk it out. Side note: Of the people who’ve filmed themselves having sex who have written me, the only ones who seem to regret it are the ones who filmed themselves having sex with jerks. Which makes sense. Who needs video reminders of all the stupid stuff/people they did?
What the Butlers Saw
EUGENE, SIR: I am having a fantasy. First I am 40 and the mother of three kids and stable in almost every regard. My husband of the past 17 years and I have a good relationship and sex is good. He is well endowed, and when we have sex it is very good. My point is we don’t have problems. But I want us to go to a sex club. Not to have sex with other men but to have sex while other men are there. Which is my fantasy: I want a whole room of men to watch my husband have sex with me. I know there are amateur porn sites where I could indulge this, but I want to look up and see them watching. Are there sex clubs that cater to exhibitionists like me? — Siana
Dear Louisiana: Yeah. Like every single one. The club protocol is simple: In any room that feels like a common room at the entrance, you might find a chain or a rope of some kind. If you two actually want company, leave the chain down after you enter, which suggests — like anywhere else in the world — that it’s OK for people to come in and join. If you don’t want people to come in, hook the chain across the entrance, a universal sign for “look but don’t touch.” Hope that helps.
EUGENE, SIR: When we do “reverse cowgirl” I have a much harder time keeping my erection. My girlfriend likes it because she can control the pace better (I know, I know), but the angle is kind of funky for me so maybe that’s why I’m losing it? Suggestions? — Ben
Dear Benny + The Jets: What you’re looking for then is a substitute for the reverse cowgirl. For those who are leery of looking up anything, I mention here the reverse cowgirl has the woman sitting astride a male partner who’s on his back while she is facing his feet. Sadly, there’s no real substitute for this, but reverse engineering what she likes about the reverse cowgirl might help us modify it. So if you were to try sitting up in bed with the bed’s backboard as a back rest, gravity would benefit your blood flow situation, she could still sit astride you and face your feet and, best of all, she’d still be controlling the pace. Give it a try, let us know. Good luck!