Why you should care
Because someone with your genitalia has to!
You have sexy questions? Eugene has sexy answers. Write. Now: Eugene@ozy.com
EUGENE, SIR: My boyfriend and I were talking about fantasies. You know, things you would like to do but have never done. Anyway his was to make our sex “more porn-y” I encouraged him not really being sure what he meant but it turns out what he meant was he wanted to call me a “whore”, a “slut” and a “bitch” when we’re having sex. I’m disappointed. Not because he’s called me a whore, slut and a bitch but because his imagination is so fucking lame. I’d be perfectly OK with getting out now since listening to this for the next few months seems chilling but I don’t want to punish him for being honest about his fantasies. How do I do this? — Kristin
Dear Oh K: Using The Standard. In this instance the “It’s not you…it’s me.” And look at it this way: if his fantasy was poop eating you’d probably be out the door as well. Well, a lack of imagination is probably a lot like poop and the eating of it. Better out of your life, unless that’s your kink, than in. And next time? Be very, very careful when you get to the speculative “fantasy” query.
EUGENE, SIR: When doing oral on my wife I have come close to passing out recently. She gets into it and locks her legs around my head and I can’t breathe. We’re about the same size plus she lifts weights. I move around to get some air and she arches up into me. This makes me not want to do it, which she doesn’t understand at all. I have told her this but she forgets and now it’s messing up my technique since I am trying to get out before she locks on, so everything is falling apart. Help. — Eric
Dear Breathless in Seattle: Oh man. Sudden death: Good for sports, not so good for the bedroom. And yes, this is why I tell people to trod gingerly on the whole strangulation/oxygen deprivation thing. Once folks get into it? Their sense of time and proportion shifts if they’re the oxygen depriver. In a way very different from the way it unfurls for the panicked oxygen deprived.
Fortunately when I am not answering your queries, I am doing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, a grappling martial art that’s largely about certain kinds of choking. Which makes me maybe uniquely qualified to help you keep from getting murder when you’re next tongue deep in a loved one’s vagina. While I imagine her being prone, your arms scooping her thighs (the same ones that are later wrapped around your neck) as you lay face down on her crotch might be the position you prefer, I might make some slight alterations.
Commit to one leg more than the other. Wrapping your right arm around her left leg, pinning it to your shoulder while placing your left hand on the inside of her right thigh will allow you to control when and how hard her orgasmic choke ends up being. Alternatively, if you can shake yourself from this position I might suggest the counterintuitive position that has you on your back and her sitting on your face. If you keep your head hard against the surface you’re laying on, she won’t be able to wrap her legs around your head and even if she grabs your head and holds it into her, you’ll still be able to shift your head so you can breathe.
And finally, while people might laugh at you and I can find no reported instances of people dying in the way that concerns you it probably makes sense to not be the FIRST one. Good luck.