Why you should care
Because sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don’t.
Cal is about 42 years old now, but his fantasy was as persistent as it was amusing and, if he was honest, something he’d known about himself for a long time.
“I imagined myself, hiding between the mattress and the boxspring,” the bodybuilder-physiqued Cal said. “But not really hiding. I mean, anyone on the bed would notice that I was there. And Lina [not her real name] would be screwing someone on the mattress. And periodically, I’d pass up a cup of water. Or a towel. Or complain that I was just trying to get some sleep.”
Lina, 5′1″, five years younger than Cal, mother of three and sometime stripper with a professional gig at Cirque du Soleil, curled into their purple couch and smiled dismissively: “It turns him on.”
Which is precisely what fantasies are supposed to do. It’s when they become realities that real commitment enters the picture: not only because just fantasizing about something is orders of magnitude away from actually doing that something, but also because reality might be found lacking where fantasy is usually not.
Cucks is short for cuckold, men whose women have sex with other men.
After a few failed fledgling attempts at foursomes (“I’m a size queen, and not all men are the right size for the queen,” says Lina), they both realized something: “She enjoyed threesomes and I didn’t mind them.” A moment akin to discovering that you’re not the only one on the block who likes dubstep. In a word: thrilling.
In short order, they were trolling Craigslist, becoming habitués at San Francisco’s Power Exchange, and establishing themselves as very active members of the site that gives its name to their new community: the lifestyle. “It’s really a pretty complex dynamic,” says Cal from his San Francisco duplex. “I mean, most guys can’t piss in front of other guys, much less something like this.”
The this he’s referencing in micro would be guy-girl-guy threesomes, something he prefers to the girl-guy-girl variant. He says the latter is more likely to induce jealous rages since women are often burdened “with body and emotional issues that men don’t usually have.” So if the other dude can get past any sort of homosexual panic, well, “It’s kind of like being in a movie while watching a movie,” he says.
But in macro, Cal is referencing an emerging phenomenon that, according to a distinctly unscientific media roundup, is distinguished by men whose pleasure lies in seeing their wives and girlfriends pleasured by others.
Cucks (short for cuckolds, men whose women have sex with other men) break down along all kinds of cultural lines, but there are some specializations. Andy Capper, Vice Magazine’s global editor, explained that when he took off for Florida to meet Art Hammer, it was in order to learn about Hammer’s special role in the cuck universe, which is his ability to provide a vital component of what seems to be a routine element of this fantasy scenario: BBCs. Which stands for? Big, Black and … well, the C is not so simple, but we’re sure you get the idea.
“It’s the whole Mandingo thing,” Capper said back when we met him in London, referring to the racist myth of the oversexed black male. “They have these big conventions in Florida.” Where apparently any couple with the cuckold fantasy can indulge to their heart’s delight, heedless of whatever heavy-duty philosophical underpinnings might be connected to largely white couples whose husbands watch their wives have sex with well-endowed black men.
“That might be a particular Southern kink,” says Cal. “But it [the race thing] wasn’t part of what appealed about it all to me. I think I enjoyed what for me is a pretty low-grade humiliation thing, but I think what I also figured out is that women who are not really into sex don’t do this, and I like women who are really into sex.”
I get that not everybody gets that, but I don’t get soccer.
And the actual fact that you’ve had sex with other men?
“I haven’t had sex with men,” laughs Cal.
Yet other men were there while he was having sex, so regardless of whether or not he had homosexual sexual contact, he was having sex with men.
“I see what you’re doing there,” he laughs again. “But I’m not bisexual, and the men who we have in are not bi either. If you are bi, you are typically letting people know that you are ‘bi-curious’ and have at it.”
So the appeal is not the other men?
“No.” He nods over at Lina. “These men are her sex toys, and letting her play while I am playing? Just about the coolest thing ever. And I get that not everybody gets that, but I don’t get soccer.”
Cal and Lina’s ease with each other seems to be genuine and not concealing any “grinning and bearing it” that might indicate one partner trying to be “adventurous” to please the other while not really being into it themselves. Which is not to say that jealousy doesn’t enter into it — it’s just that jealousy is an accepted part of it.
“The very first time we did it, I looked up in the middle and had this flash of anger and thought, ‘Hey! This guy’s screwing my old lady!’ and then I remembered something,” Cal concludes. “I had invited him over to do just that.”