When One Needs a Master
WHY YOU SHOULD CARE
OZY’s Eugene S. Robinson addresses queries from the love-weary in "Sex With Eugene."
In Search of … One Good Dom
EUGENE, SIR: It’s time. I have figured out some serious things about who it is that I am and part of this now requires me to have a master. But it’s not like finding someone to cut your hair. Is there a proper procedure for me to find someone who I can serve without wasting my time? Please help. — I Come 2 Serve
Dear Servo Mechanism: Totally a good-news, bad-news scenario. The good news? The fact that you’re already taking this more seriously than you’d take picking a hairstylist or a plumber. Though, to be totally fair, even though I’ve had stranger requests regarding stylists and plumbers, the fact that you’re even consulting someone about a decision that is a fairly weighty one, speaks volumes about what you want, need and how you’re feeling about getting all of the above.
The bad news? It’s probably a lot easier to find a hairstylist or a plumber. Or a heart surgeon. Or a business manager. Or a husband or a wife. Yeah, all of those things are probably easier than finding a good Dom.
And just to be clear, a good Dom, someone you’re granting the power of life and death, your life and death, who also doesn’t make you laugh — at them, not with them — is hard. In fact the claim could be made that if you find yourself a good Dom/Domme you should pay them whatever they want, work hard to keep them and hide them away from other possible clients.
But your question was “how?” As usual, the internet, but it’s absolutely necessary that you know what you want. Are you more into bondage? Discipline? Masochism? Humiliation? Some combination? A good master will figure this out and what can’t be figured out will be sussed by them for you.
If there are any red flags? You don’t like their hair? How they spell? How they smell? Heed them. They will not get better and in fact, the ways in which they get worse you’ll find distracting and being distracted is a waste of both your time and money. So get in there, begin the process, and let us know what you find. Good luck.
EUGENE, SIR: I can’t ask anyone else about this and can’t really ask someone else for “a friend” and so it’s you. I got my husband a third for his birthday. We flirt with swinging and have done it before. Not a lot. Anyway, on his birthday we had a woman in, someone I picked. We were playing, all of us, and we got out the toys and to be safe we used condoms, even on the toys. In the heat of the moment, I pulled the toy out of her and put it in his mouth. We noticed at the same time that there was some blood on it. I guess she had started having her period that day? She apologized, we freaked and in the days since then even more so. We’re going to get tested, but is there anything else we can do? Are retro-virals a thing? — Name withheld by request
Dear No Good Deed: First, it must be said, I am no doctor, even if I play one on the internet. So just consider this a first step to actually finding someone who, to some degree of certainty, can tell you the difference between your ass and your elbow. Someone other than me. That being said, of course, I know a few things about a few things. And one of the things I know? You probably are cleared for relaxing just a skosh right around now.
Menstrual blood that comes in contact with intact skin poses no HIV transmission risk. HIV, as viruses go, is not that hardy of a virus. But you’re concerned about what could happen given that he got it in his mouth where if the skin is not broken, it could also have been swallowed.
Transmission this way is possible, but not super likely, and the cases where it has happened usually involved large amounts of blood and open wounds on the receiver. Also, HIV has been known to slow down women’s periods, so if she was having her period, though not a failsafe, this might be a sign that she doesn’t have HIV.
And antiretroviral therapy (ART) is a treatment if it has been determined that you already have HIV. So not really doing what you’re thinking it might. If your guest had HIV and was on ART, this might also reduce the likelihood that she would be transmitting this to him.
But for now? Go to a doctor. Test. Wait. Test again. Hope for the best.
Am I a Sex Criminal?
EUGENE, SIR: I just accidentally had sex with someone I found out was 17. I met her in a club that was 21 and over. One fake ID later, we were having sex. The next day I stalked her on the web and am pretty sure now that she’s not 21. I’m 32 myself. So I will not be calling her again or having sex with her again but this is likely to piss her off and then what? Isn’t the club responsible for this? How is this my fault? Am I going to jail if she gets angry enough? Help is welcome. — Screwed
Dear Yes, Maybe: Sex with a minor? Felony offense. Case closed. Sometimes. In California, however, it can be a misdemeanor or a felony, depending on the circumstances surrounding the “offense.” And if one of those circumstances was, as you’ve said, that she lied about her age, this might be enough to have the charges against you dismissed. Or at the least, reduced.
However, this would all be post-arrest and a lot of legal steps to stumble down. Translation: a drag. And I did use the word “might.”
In legal terms, and I suggest you consult a lawyer, you have exposure no matter how you cut it. Limit your exposure by limiting your contact now and establishing a back record for your concerns. Also, the club would also be partially culpable for sure. But right now you’re in the putting-your-hand-on-a-rock-and-hoping-for-the-best game plan.