Breasts Too Big? - OZY | A Modern Media Company

Breasts Too Big?

Breasts Too Big?

By Eugene S. Robinson

Breasts too big?


Because you might not get good but you can always get better.

By Eugene S. Robinson

You have sexy questions? Eugene has sexy answers. Write. Now:

No Thanks for the Mammaries

EUGENE, SIR: My breasts are 38G. Plus they’re killing me. I’ve researched breast reduction surgeries and think it’s safe. That’s not the problem. The problem is my boyfriend. Seems he is strongly attached to them despite every single one of my explanations that these are too big. Anything you think it would make sense to say to him to sell him on this?  —Clair

Dear Trip to Bountiful: You know we all like people because of what they represent to us. Maybe even more than who they are. They pull from the archetype of you versus maybe the real you. The easier this is to do, the more it happens. And when you have breasts that are 38G I would imagine it’s happened a lot. Making it increasingly hard to separate right-minded lovers from fetishists and fans. But you’re not getting a mastectomy and if you’re not getting reduced to 38A he will recalibrate to wherever you end up and if he doesn’t? Well good riddance to bad rubbish. I don’t really dispense so much relationship advice but it’s clear here that if big tits mean more to him than your peace of mind then you have to opt for peace of mind. Besides which while with any surgery there are risks associated with the procedure, the benefits here seem to outweigh his interest in personal pleasure.

According to New York Presbyterian Hospital lower back and neck pain, headaches and bra strap problems decreased significantly when as little as 415 grams of breast tissue is removed from each breast. That’s about two cup sizes. So here’s hoping it helps and you have/maintain any relationship you’d like to have maintained.

Making the Most of Things

EUGENE, SIR: I don’t want to get into what small is. That’s not my objective. But I do want to know how if you were on the smallish size, penis-wise, I mean, you could maximize impact via certain positions. Also, since there’s a cult or fetish for everything are there any groups out there for women who like smallish penises? —Just Asking

Dear Tom Thumb: You didn’t ask me to go down the road I’m about to go down but I’m going to go down it anyways on the outside chance that the concerns and anxieties that fuel men’s deepest secret anxieties populate fewer of your dreams than they currently do. Which is to say: worrying is not attractive. 

Brad Pitt, P Diddy, Anderson Cooper never really seem very worried. Cash helps a lot in this regard but it’s not hard to imagine that they got to where they are largely because of an ability to at least mask a little of the worry that roils inside us all. Worrying about not being tall enough, thin enough, muscled enough all flow from the same place and that place is an ambition to be better. Good in regards to things you can do something about. Not so good when applied to things you can do nothing about.

But that’s not why we’re here. We’re here to address your non-size related size queries. So first of all I’ll say that of course there are groups for this and our favorite is the jauntily titled I LOVE SMALL PENISES. Of course I think I believe that this site is, to paraphrase Tony Montana, a pig that don’t fly straight, probably part of a public relations effort to Jedi-mindtrick affected populations into thinking things are A-OK, but I don’t know this. I do know that it provides a forum for smallish men to read commentary from “fans” of smallish penises that are in no way related to the men who created the forum. I guess I must also believe that the commentary about smallish men is also not written BY smallish men.

If you can believe all of that, it seems like a good place to share and care about smallish penises. Up to and including the best positions to use to “maximize impact.” Of which? Doggy style and all rear entry variants get multiple call outs. Being behind your partner seemingly shortens the vaginal canal and lets the woman squeeze her legs together to maximize impact. Curiously enough the reverse cowgirl, which has the woman on top facing her lover’s feet gets votes too. Despite my previous cautions

Helping? Yet? Lemme know, if so.



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