How Much of an Aphrodisiac Is Violent Injustice?
WHY YOU SHOULD CARE
Because lust is always a must.
Porn: The Bad Kind?
EUGENE, SIR: We’re sheltering in place and while it could be the stress and anxiety, we now have a problem. I let my partner use my computer. I had no reason to think this would be a problem. Even if she could see the porn I look at on occasion. However, she saw that I had been watching a Traci Lords video. The only video Traci made after turning 18. I don’t know if you remember this, but she was the underage porn star who outed herself and had all of her previous work banned. So I wasn’t watching that. I was watching the legal Traci Lords stuff. But we’ve been arguing about it since. I tried to convince her that this is what Traci wanted. She said no one wants to go into porn, and the fact that I chose Traci’s video specifically is wrong. I said I shouldn’t have to explain my porn choices to anyone, but if it made her feel better I just preferred women who look like Traci. She laughed in my face at the use of the word “women” and now we’re not talking. Literally. She’s on the couch, I’m at the kitchen table as I write this. Am I an ass? —AmIAnAss
Dear Ass Master: If you don’t think you need to explain your porn choices to anyone, why would you then explain your porn choices — poorly — to anyone? Generally, me, and more specifically, her. While this is technically a sex column, I gladly answer relationship queries, but there’s only so much help I can offer if you’re not listening, and as I have said before: You will never “win” talking about your “tastes.”
Yes, the examined life is worth living, and analyzing why we do what we do and like what we like is a useful personal enterprise. That’s very different from trying to convince someone else why green eggs and ham are great. But there you are and here we are.
And honestly, I think I can say, that there’s so much that’s distasteful about Traci’s involvement in porn — from the number of people IN the industry who exploited her, as well as the friends she screwed over on the way out who weren’t in markedly different positions than she was, to how she got into the industry in the first place and the rape she suffered as a kid.
None of this you need to know to enjoy masturbating to her work, but now that you know can you still masturbate to her work?
I don’t say you’re an ass, just uninformed. Kiss and make up and find something else to masturbate to when you need to masturbate.
Wild in the Streets
EUGENE, SIR: I’ve been marching and couldn’t be more sick to my stomach about where we are in 2020 with just about every single thing you can think of. Protest seems to be the most sensible thing I can do as an American. I’m in San Francisco and it hasn’t been too bad there, but earlier this week when I was leaving the protest a cop asked me if I was OK as I was getting to my car. Then he gave me his card and said I should call him if I “needed anything.” Him hitting on me now of all times seems wildly inappropriate, but is it illegal? And would I be a shitty person for either calling him back or calling him out? —Name withheld by request
Dear Cop + A Hard Place: You were cruised by a cop. But there’s so much nuance here you’re really just talking “feelings” anyway. And honestly when I think about you presenting your case, if you were choosing to call him out versus calling him back, I can see you being laughed out of the joint. Besides which, if you’re thinking it’s some sort of restorative justice to bust him for hitting on you, it doesn’t really seem so to me.
Now, calling him back? That’s a taste issue and so to your tastes you must yield. But is it illegal? Him passing you his card and expressing concern for your well-being doesn’t seem so much to me. Unless you’re bigger than he is and then it just seems comical OR suspect, depending on whether you’re angry or flattered.
The reality, though, is humans will always find ways to be humans no matter what. So do what you can live with and hope for the best. Either way.
EUGENE, SIR: If I have sex with someone and he’s masked and I am masked and we wash well afterward and there’s no fluid mixing but I get semen on me, can I get COVID-19 from it? I’d say I was asking for a friend but why lie? — Death by a Drop
Dear DD: Well they’ve found the virus in semen, and various medical journals are wondering if it can be sexually transmitted and indeed whether it should be considered an STI, sexually transmitted infection. Some are saying not to panic, which always makes me panic. Some are not saying to panic, which also makes me panic, so since I’m not a medical professional I’ll just tell you what I’d do: PANIC!
JK … you’re probably fine. But if you can get tested? Do so. Better safe than sorry.