Why you should care

Because motherhood is a tough, thankless job. Did we mention thankless?

Caren Lissner is a novelist, satire-lover and newspaper editor in New Jersey.

One thing’s always been clear: Moms need to be judged more than they are, especially by those who never make mistakes. After all, why not make yourself feel better about your own life decisions (or parenting decisions)?

Double bind? Bah!

Here is a field guide to MILJ (“Mothers I’d Like to Judge”).

Moms who breastfeed in public.
Moms who breastfeed children who are way too old to be breastfed.
Moms who don’t breastfeed.

Moms who work.
Moms who stay home.

Teen moms.
Older moms.

Moms who go back work as soon as they can, dumping their kid in day care.
Moms who take months of maternity leave, forcing everyone in the office to pick up the slack.

The mom I just saw screaming at her kid.
Moms who don’t discipline.

The mom playing with her phone, instead of her kid, at the playground (it isn’t with the pediatrician … is it?)

Moms who dress sexy.
Moms who wear Mom Jeans.

Selfish moms who deny their kid a sibling.
Moms with too many kids.

Moms who spend thousands on infertility treatments when they should just adopt!
Moms who go on infertility blogs and write, “Why don’t you just adopt?”

Moms who go on infertility blogs and write, “Why don’t you just relax?”
Moms who blog.

Moms who write, “Why don’t you just …” as if there’s an obvious solution to a complex, heart-wrenching problem and no one else happened to think of it.
Moms who write.

Moms who want to make partner at the law firm.
Moms who want to make judge.
Moms who judge.

Moms who put their kids on leashes.
The mom whose kid just ran into the street.

Helicopter moms.
Tiger moms.
Soccer moms.
Hockey moms.
Stage moms (where are all the dad names?).
Texas cheerleader mom.
Stacey’s mom.
Eminem’s mom.
Kevin McAllister’s mom.
Christina Crawford’s mom.

My mom.
Your mom.

And … you, for staring at the internet when you should be paying attention to your kid.

Feeling any better about yourself? Just consider this your handy dandy guide to judging moms in public … with just a pinch of satire.

Happy Mother’s Day!

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