What the Zodiac Says About Presidential Candidates
WHY YOU SHOULD CARE
Because sometimes looking back can help you make sense of what’s ahead.
By Nick Fouriezos
Let’s be real: When political pundits gazed into their crystal balls for 2016, few could have accurately predicted the fireworks to come. Looking back, though, certain signs were there, hidden within the zodiac sign traits of presidential contenders, even for those who dropped out this week.
Ted Cruz, for one, is a Sagittarius born in the Year of the Dog, and whose horoscope the day after his now-so-long-ago win in Iowa read: “This is a wonderful time for a short romantic adventure.” (“Short” being the operative word.) Meanwhile, John Kasich, whose zodiac sign is the dragon, finally let up on his major flaw — “stubbornness” — by dropping out, too. Maybe this Taurus will be comforted by the following prediction for his birthday, next Friday: “Professional success is not nearly as satisfying as your contentment and happiness.”
Less sweaty than a palm reading, OZY looked toward the stars to understand how each remaining candidate got to this point — and how likely the White House might be part of their future.
THE AVOIDER OF TRAPS
The most important week of the election may have happened seven months ago. That’s when Democratic front-runner Hillary Clinton — a Scorpio, a sign known for loyalty, ambition and, yes, a proclivity for secrecy — faced off against Republicans in the 11-hour Benghazi hearings. Addressing those concerns early on kept a scandal that could have derailed her presidential hopes firmly under the lid. Clinton’s horoscope that particular day: “Whether you want it or not, you should learn to think on your feet.”
She succeeded that day, of course, though for those born in the Year of the Pig, communication isn’t always so simple. Strengths include generosity, compassion and diligence, all of which have been evident in Clinton’s work ethic and broad supporter network. But people born this year tend to have only a few close friends — and sometimes fall into traps easily, something Clinton should keep in mind as she forges through the minefield of insults Trump is preparing to set for the general election.
Donald Trump often talks about his enemies being fired “like a dog.” But being born on June 14, 1946 — the Year of the Dog — Trump’s birthright, like Cruz’s, is loyalty (see: his dedication to embattled campaign manager Corey Lewandowski) and a shrewd cautiousness in both business dealings and counterpunch campaigning. The Gemini’s strengths are creativity, versatility and a sharp wit, while his weaknesses include impulsiveness and a tendency to criticize.
He likely has “big hopes,” but his optimism “is often diminished by a fear of failure,” according to one horoscope. Another read? ”When thrown into doubt, dogs think the world is evil and complicated. Then they criticize sharply when giving comments on something, and infer all things are according to their pessimistic point of view.”
Wow, Corey Lewandowski, my campaign manager and a very decent man, was just charged with assaulting a reporter. Look at tapes-nothing there!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 29, 2016
AN UPSTART UPSETTER
A fork-tongued serpent probably isn’t the image #FeelTheBerners have of the 74-year-old Democratic Socialist Bernie Sanders. But those born in the Year of the Snake tend to be wise, intelligent and … independent (no, we’re not making this up). While inspiring massive crowds of young people, Sanders has taken on the role of a grandfatherly figure: “Today, people can’t get enough of you,” his horoscope read on March 8, the day the Vermont senator won Michigan in what FiveThirtyEight called “one of the greatest upsets” in modern political history.
As a Virgo, Sanders is said to be reliable — seriously, have you heard how consistent his speeches are? — and modest. But Virgos also tend toward “fussiness,” “crankiness” and being “overly reserved,” which means the portrayal of Sanders as that man telling the big banks to get off his lawn is not entirely off base.
- Nick Fouriezos, Nicholas Fouriezos is a wandering journo with a black coffee habit. He’s knocked on the doors of meth labs, gasped while conducting jogging interviews with marathoners and holds the life accomplishment of pissing off Michael Phelps, albeit unintentionally. Follow Nick Fouriezos on TwitterContact Nick Fouriezos