Want to Thwart Evil? This Technology Can Get You Started!
WHY YOU SHOULD CARE
The bad guys have tech. Our technology is better and … techier!
By daisy Carrington
The Tick landed (with a bang) on Amazon Prime on August 25. The big, blue, eccentric hero (of the super variety) is joined by his reluctant partner in thwarting evil, Arthur. Before the pair come crashing through your ISP, they’ve stopped by OZY to curate our Good Sh*t section and share with us some of their favorite things.
Hello, world! This is the Tick. Don’t worry, I’m not out in space — I’m right here, an avenger of evil, born to go mano a mano with the darkness. A song of battle in my heart! And you know what else is neat, chums? Inventions! Inventions that tip the scales in the struggle of good versus evil, precious balloons of hope girding our loins. Sure, I’m an invulnerable. I have the strength of 10, perhaps 20 men. A crowded bus stop of men. But gadgets are neat.
That’s why Destiny brought me the Makey Makey Invention Kit. When Destiny speaks, she speaks to me. (She says hi, by the way.) Turn a banana into a piano, she says? Evil would never see it coming! But listen, friend — this kit is more than fruity wizardry. You can hook anything up to one of those beepy computer things and turn it into a touch pad or keyboard. Play the drums with shrimp instead of sticks, or shoot bad guys with a hair dryer. Enough of your hot little bullets! Sorry, chum, got carried away there. Finesse, must maintain finesse.
But listen close, friend — you can trick even your cat into a selfie. Put a water bowl on a bit of tinfoil, hook the tinfoil up to your laptop camera, and snap, when kitty takes a drink, kitty takes a selfie. Sneaky. Guns aren’t going to solve your problems. But a secret trigger for villain selfies? We got a tiger by the tail.
Don’t just take my word for it though, friends. Makey Makey is based on research from those smart types at MIT. They’ve got the brains, I’ve got the everything else. The two chums, Jay Silver and Eric Rosenbaum, who thought it up reckon it can make everyone more creative and imaginative. “We believe that the whole world is a construction kit, if we choose to see it that way,” the two meaty little puppets of Destiny say. “We believe that everyone can create the future and change the world.”
Too right, chums! The future starts with a banana piano. Get those squishy brains tingling. We all make a better door than a window, friends. So why don’t you swing wide open, let you walk through you right on over to me?
I’m not saying that I’m in the fight against evil or anything — I promised my sister I’d given all that up, OK? — but if I were, I’d need some cool spy gear. Like the Tick says, I’m on the compact side as heroes go. I need help. Er, not that I know the Tick or anything. Not that I’m a hero. Who said the Tick? I’m on my meds.
When I was an accountant, I wore a lot of cuff links. That’s what normal, everyday accountants do, OK? So recently I decided I should get some new ones. No real reason. [cough] And this guy Mike, who works at a cuff link business called Cuff Daddy, told me about his USB cuff links. They look like regular brass cuff links, but each one has 16GB of storage. I asked him what they were good for. “Use super-stealth mode to store the dossiers of all your villains!” he said. “They’ll never know you know EVERYTHING about them!” I don’t know about you, but I think that Mike guy sounds crazy.
Anyway, if he weren’t crazy, he’d have a point — I could store all sorts of secret plans and intel on my wrists. I’d have everything I needed right with me, all the time, and no one would know. No chance of the Tick blowing up my files in an unnecessary explosion, or my HQ — er, I mean, my apartment, where I would usually store them, getting crashed into by the Flag Five’s ship. Not that I worry about that stuff. Everything is fine. Can I go now?
The Tick starts streaming August 25 exclusively with Prime on Amazon.
- daisy Carrington, OZY Author Contact daisy Carrington