'Squirt Alert' (It's a Protest) - OZY | A Modern Media Company

'Squirt Alert' (It's a Protest)

'Squirt Alert' (It's a Protest)

By Zara Stone

A graphic from the game squirt alert.


Because female ejaculation is not something to be scared of.

By Zara Stone

Legs akimbo, your avatar squats in front of a cartoon courtroom. Directly ahead is the judge. To the side, politicians duck in and out of view. Using your index finger, you carefully aim between your legs, directing a “squirt” toward the spectators. Each “hit” gives you a point. The goal: Hit as many as you can within the time limit. But there’s more to this than salaciousness. The app, called “Squirt Alert,” was created as a response to recent changes in British pornography laws — specifically, the restrictions on material containing sexual acts like face-sitting and female ejaculation from being sold in adult stores.

Dismayed by the new laws, Jennifer McEwen, co-founder of MiKandi, the adult app store for Android, decided to challenge them. After discussing it with her team, who “noted the absurdity and straight-up sexism of many of the regulations,” they built “Squirt Alert” as a response. “Our form of protest is this game and highlighting others in solidarity,” she told OZY. 

The gameplay resembles “Paper Toss,” but with lady bits. 

The app (Android only — Apple has strong rules about sex in apps), which has a 3.4-star rating on MiKandi’s proprietary app store, is free to play and pretty entertaining. Each round ends with a plummy voice in a British accent saying, “Take that! Ejaculation for the win!” The gameplay resembles “Paper Toss,” but with lady bits. “Objection!” and “It’s in my mouth!” hover above those knocked down.

It seems lighthearted, and there’s just one level to play, but its message is clear: Stop subjecting women in the porn industry to unnecessary laws, especially when the very concept of female ejaculation is still hotly debated. “Not every female can [ejaculate],” says clinical and forensic sexologist Eric Marlowe Garrison. But many can, often through G-spot stimulation or anal sex. In fact, many sex educators run regular how-to classes.

But can an app like this really make a difference? U.K. sex activists like the concept but are unsure whether it will really affect change; it’s too removed from their fight. 

Catherine Anderson, head of communications for the British Board of Film Classification, says that the portrayal of female ejaculation is being banned because it’s being confused with urolagnia (urine sex acts) — a bodily ejection of a different sort — which falls under the Obscene Publications Act. Which means for now, Brits will have to go to overseas porn distributors to satisfy their fetishes.

Whether or not you believe that female ejaculation exists, creating laws around it appears shortsighted and sexist (so much “acceptable” porn is built around viewing male ejaculation) and also creates a shame culture around porn, something Marty Klein, certified sex therapist and sex ed blogger, disagrees with. “As long as it’s consensual and people understand what they’re doing, it’s fine,” he told OZY.

“Squirt Alert” has no boundaries; it’s about fun — and splattering a courtroom with bodily fluids. But with each round, players are asked to share scores on Twitter with the message, “If you think the U.K.’s ban of female ejaculation is silly, play this game.” Sometimes you can have fun and make a statement at the same time. In your face … or not.

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