Punk Rocker Seeks Bigfoot
WHY YOU SHOULD CARE
Because Bigfoot is out there!
Where to even begin with Randy Rose? Well, here are a few basics: He’s an excitable, energetic fellow of about 70. He’s been married a few times. He lives in Los Angeles with his cat Maurice. He had some hopes of making it in the movies, but that never panned out. And for the last 40-plus years he’s been the front man for the enigmatic San Francisco-based avant-pop performance group the Residents. If you’re at all familiar with the Residents, then you can likely guess that all is not what it seems with Randy, and wouldn’t be too shocked to learn that his stories don’t quite fit the standard “aging rocker” mold.
A couple years back he began writing a blog that came to be called “Maurice and Me.” At least initially it was a peek into the sometimes sordid private life of a long-haul rock ’n’ roller. It wasn’t long, though, before things started getting weird, including Rose’s account of his attempts to break in to the porn business. Then about a year ago the blog evolved into an online video series called RandyLand.
“If you remember, when I started my Tumblr blog it was called ‘Randy’s Room,’” Rose says. “That was OK in the beginning, but after a while it started feeling like I was in jail or something, like I was stuck in my room, which was kind of boring, so I felt like I had to expand my world and let my fans know there was more to me than just a stupid room that was painted pink because of my ex-wife, Miss Tweety. So Randy’s Room became RandyLand.”
Again, things began normally enough, with Rose showing off rare Residents memorabilia, making assorted band announcements and pitching a new Residents documentary, Theory of Obscurity. But it wasn’t long before things took an odd turn and the series became a thing unto itself. I think it all started when Rose discovered he was being abducted by aliens on a regular basis. He eventually got to the bottom of all that, but it was hardly the end of Rose’s entanglements with what might be termed High Strangeness.
Most recently, he’s become consumed with what he claims has been a rash of Bigfoot sightings in the Los Angeles area. I hadn’t heard much about any Bigfoot sightings in Southern California lately, so I asked if he could offer a few examples. “If you want the real scoop, you have to have your ear to the ground, right?” he said. “OK, it seems like I was a little off base in terms of Bigfoot sightings in Griffith Park. I got that info from my pal Eddie G, who spent a lot of time in the park. But then when he told me that he had also seen Bigfoot in the LA County jail, I decided that Eddie may not be the most reliable source of information. OK, live and learn. But my other pals Poncho and Plateman have absofuckinglutely sworn that they heard stories about Bigfoot sightings on the Cobb Estate. Poncho says he once had a beer with a woman named Diane who saw Bigfoot near an underground reservoir next to the Cobb Estate in 1989. What else do you need?”
So now he’s organizing a major expedition to track down the elusive creature. Driven by more than mere scientific curiosity, Rose is actually seeking vengeance against the three-toed Bigfoot who killed his dog in Louisiana some 50 years ago. Whether or not he finds that very same Bigfoot seems immaterial — he just wants to bag a Bigfoot, and he’s recruiting a stalwart team of Bigfoot experts and crack shots (most of whom seem to be hot young women) to assist him. Given Bigfoot has a reputation for being a wily character, and one who’s evaded capture for nearly a century, I asked Rose about his planned strategy.
“We’ll probably just blow the fuck out of him. I mean, it would be good to take him back alive and all, but I’m not taking any chances here. After all, Bigfoot ate my dog Sniffy, so this is pretty personal for me.” As long as he stays away from lions.