When Underwear Had Flair
WHY YOU SHOULD CARE
Because there’s nothing like taking the sting out of the whole “I see London, I see France” thing.
By Sean Braswell
Something magical occurred in 1978, something that defined a generation and forever transformed every underwear-wearing kid into a hero: Underoos.
They were “the underwear that’s fun to wear.” Designed as a T-shirt or tank top with a matching pair of briefs, they typically featured a beloved superhero or television character. The heroic genius behind the idea was Larry Weiss, but it was not until both the Scott Paper Company and Hanes balked at the idea that Fruit of the Loom decided to go where no one had gone before — and make underwear history.
They made running around in your underwear understandable, even if not quite acceptable.
From Superman, the Hulk and Wonder Woman to Yoda, Knight Rider and Ms. Pacman, Fruit of the Loom’s Underoos were ubiquitous. They made running around in your underwear understandable, even if not quite acceptable.
These days, despite the proliferation of blogs, social networking and portable electronic devices, those of us in Generation U simply can’t attain the level of self-expression that we achieved when we donned matching underwear and T-shirts adorned with our favorite superheroes and celebrities.
Fruit of the Loom doesn’t sell the matched sets anymore, although it still carries superhero undies under the far less fun-to-say category of ”licensed briefs” for kids. Similar undergarments can be found for adults, but unless you’re still a huge Superman, Spiderman or Batman fan, the selection is a bit limited.
That’s why OZY has compiled a list some of our favorite figures from 2013 — heroes and villains — who we’d love to see emblazoned on adult undergarments:
1. Carlos Danger, aka Anthony Weiner
Everyone’s favorite alter ego from 2013; sends sexts that are faster than a speeding bullet.
Secret superpower: Falling on his own sword.
Breaking Bad’s meth-making, shape-shifting hero Walter White endeared himself to fans for many reasons, none better for our purposes than his easily emulated “tighty whities” ensembles.
Secret superpower: Appearing to be at once contemptible and sympathetic.
3. The Pontiff
Pope Francis’s main weapons in revamping the Catholic Church this year were surprise and compassion. Surprise, compassion and an almost fanatical devotion to the … We’ll come in again.
Secret superpower: Carrying his own bags.
This nomadic crusader is dedicated to truth, justice and the American Way — or to unraveling them, depending on who you ask about Edward Snowden.
Secret superpower: Superhuman ability to withstand 40 days in the Moscow airport transit zone.
Marvel Comics may have announced its 16-year-old Muslim-American superhero, Kamala Khan, this year, but the world already had a real world teenage Muslim superwoman, Malala Yousafzai.
Secret superpower: Principled perseverance.
You’ll need more than the right undergarments to re-enact Miley Cyrus’s unforgettable VMA performance. But they will certainly get you started.
Secret superpower: Converting self-objectification into gold.
Who would you like to see immortalized on your Underoos?