Top or Bottom? The Competitive Nature of Threesomes

Top or Bottom? The Competitive Nature of Threesomes

Why you should care

Because your private parts would want you to.

You have sexy questions? Eugene has sexy answers. Write. Now: Eugene@ozy.com

A Sex Bridge Too Far

EUGENE, SIR: We’re in to everything but one thing I can’t get my head around, which my man has been pushing for? Him and me and another woman. I’m OK with orgy types of situations but a threesome with one other woman feels sort of competitive-y to me. But he said he wants her there so we have someone to top. Both of us are tops and are ok switching but we miss out on what happens with a true bottom. Anyway to get this to happen without me feeling icky about it? —Un-Ease

Dear Easy Like Sunday Morning: Not really. The key here is the competitive thing. If she was another top who was also a switch much less threatening than a true bottom (designations for dominant and submissive partners in Bondage-Discipline-Sadism-Masochism, or BDSM, circles). Which it doesn’t sound like you are and which he wants. If your concern is about being replaced then your concern is well-placed. So there is a way and that’s that you immediately, if you closer than not to be OK with this, take over the talent search. That way in the end he gets what he wants and you get someone who doesn’t make you feel icky with the possibility that they steal what’s yours. Hope that helps.

Wrecking the Workplace

EUGENE, SIR: I had an affair with an coworker’s wife. As these things go sometimes, it was discovered and I am being held largely responsible for the end of their marriage. I don’t know why but in the aftermath of the discovery she’s been laying the blame on me. I am OK taking the blame. I mean I did initiate the affair even if it takes two to have an affair. I am even OK with friends taking sides. I mean it makes sense to me. But recently it seems to have crossed the line and has started to have a professional impact on me even if this had nothing to do with my job, the industry I work in is relatively close knit. I just found out though that she is driving a lot of this. To win the husband back, I don’t know. The thing is during our two years together she happened to tell me about the numerous other affairs she had. Including several with close friends of his. While I’m a gentleman it’s started to feel like taking all of the blame is an unfair burden for me to carry alone. My question is simple: will the truth set us free? Should I spread it? — Stefan

Dear Loose Lips: Front Street. That’s what you’re considering. You’ve had all you can stand and you can’t stands no more, is that right? And your remedy, interestingly enough, it seems you are suggesting will be to blow everybody’s game to bits, put all of your business on display and let the chips fall where they may? Well, that’s certainly a possible strategy to deal with being hung out to dry by a former lover who, in my paranoid mind, may or may not have actually engineered the discovery. Is it the one I would choose?

No. And here’s why: some people show up for the fun. Some people show up for the drama. And some are really just there for the stuff they make movies out of: love. But only a very few show up for the bullshit. The fun is done, the dramatic benefits of the illicit is long gone, and whatever love had been had is long gone it seems. The benefit of being the outside party when the party ends is that you are OUTSIDE.

The benefits are plenty for them to keep this going. If they didn’t they’d have to meditate on the wreck their lives have become. The benefits for you now? None. Everyone will still hate you. So, keep your mouth shut and save it. IF you really end up needing it the moment will announce itself in no uncertain way. But to choose to do this before circumstance has dictated you should? Stupid. Even more so than getting involved with a loudmouth in the first place.

Comment

OZYWildcard

Square pegs. Round holes.

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