The Cold, Hard Truth About Oral Sex

The Cold, Hard Truth About Oral Sex

Why you should care

Because right above “better” there’s always going to be “best”.

You have sexy questions? Eugene has sexy answers. Write. Now: Eugene@ozy.com

Deeply

EUGENE, SIR: “John”, the name I’m going to use for my boyfriend, is obsessed with me taking him down my throat and now I have gotten obsessed with it too. But I just started wondering if it really feels much better or is it just that we like what we don’t do a lot? – Laura

Dear L Boogie: I have no idea what they called this before the 1972 movie Deep Throat, but I know since then people have been much more than happy to have this variety of fellatio called thusly. That is, if your man’s penis is of a length that makes this likely/possible, letting it move past where most would gag, the head of the penis moving down into the opening where the throat actually begins. Does it feel that much better? When compared to a root canal? Yes. When compared to non-throat based fellatio? Well, that depends. On the proficiency of the one doing the fellating. In other words a bad blowjob is not improved by being deep throated at some point during the bad blowjob. But all things being equal? From well considered “sources” it seems to be a nice addition to an even nicer evening. Or morning. Or lunch break. Or hike. Or bus ride. Or really any other place it might, um, come up.

Not That Way

EUGENE, SIR: I am glad that I have a husband who is so into oral sex and he’s good at it but about half the time if I am bent over and he is doing it from the rear I don’t feel much of anything. I move around so he can do it from the front but we somehow always end up back this way. I asked him if he liked this better and was going to tell him I didn’t but he said because if he is eating me from the back he can grab my breasts and my bottom but if I am on my back he can only grab my breasts. I don’t want to stop his enthusiasm but the thing from the rear is not working. Solutions? – Feeling Bad for Complaining

Dear Face Forward: Simple solution? Just show him this. Which will give me the opportunity to applaud his can-do spirit and advise that considering he’s 95 percent there he might as well make an investment to get to 100 percent perfect in the cunnilingus department because what kind of message would it send if he didn’t? Barring handing him this on your phone, iPad, laptop but still in the arena of uncomplicated: tell him. If neither one of those are to your liking you can use the time honored method of positive reinforcement. When he does things right? Go nuts. When he doesn’t? Don’t. He should get the point right quick. Unless he’s a hammerhead. In which case your problems are just beginning.

Comment

OZYWildcard

Square pegs. Round holes.

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