Why you should care
Because being the first one on your block to enjoy “Sex With Eugene” will be much better than being the last.
EUGENE, SIR: I’m married to the same man for 20 years. I am 45. The other day I borrowed his car to do some shopping. Got back with my bags and threw them in the trunk where I found a handheld video camera we had gotten to film the kids’ soccer games. I thought it was lost. When I clicked it on to see if it worked I saw him and some woman having sex in our house. He is terribly sorry and I am upset beyond words. Don’t want a divorce. But they were having anal sex in the video and I have never wanted to do this. What about it is so great that a man would risk everything for it? — name withheld
Dear Things You Can’t Unsee: It’s not so much that it’s THAT great, but more that it, in your case, has the allure of that which you don’t get at home. And realistically speaking after 20 years most men are not going to march into the bedroom and say “hey…anal sex. Quick: yes or no?!?” But I’m sorry you stumbled into that which for most is an abstraction. That’s got to be beyond upsetting.
It’s also got to be a little comforting since there’s nothing left to your overly febrile imagination. It’s all right there.
And all right there? Anal sex. It’s easy to mythologize that which is not part of your reality. But there’s no guarantee that if you all put anal into the mix that things will improve. But, if it’s done right, it won’t hurt to try.
Taking a Chance on Group Love
EUGENE, SIR: My woman keeps insisting we should do something crazy to spice up our sex lives. So we keep trying. Every time we try it ends in tears. Last time it ended with her cutting all of her hair off, leaving it on our bed where she stabbed scissors into the pile of hair. We’ve tried her and me and another woman. We’ve tried another couple and it always ends the same: arguments and tears. When that fades from view? More requests to do something crazy. What the hell’s going on? — Frank
Dear Mr. Discussion: She has requested something “crazy” and as luck would have it she’s delivered something CRAZY right to your doorstep and you’ve managed to miss both the forest and the trees. Because? Because the very thing she has requested is the thing that you’re doing. You don’t say how many times you’ve tried this but if you try the same thing 99 times and expect the 100th time to yield a result that’s even a little bit different? Yup, your crazy delivery has arrived.
So this might be her thing. The build-up, the drama, the fiery collapse. Press repeat.
But it might not be and you could just be doing group sex wrong. So here’s some friendly advice: if you’re in a couple, you’ll get further letting her choose the party’s guests. After that, following her lead might yield better results as well. The sensory overload involved in doubling the numbers of people in your bed takes some time to process so going slow and matching her pace and lead, like dancing well, might yield all around better results.
Hiding the scissors might help too.
Heroin: The Death of Him?
EUGENE, SIR: “X” uses. Not all the time but now, enough that I notice. I thought heroin lowered inhibitions and at least, at first, sex was good but now…well I’m writing YOU. What’s the deal? — Ceci
Dear Waiting For My Man: For the record no drug, outside of known performance enhancers like Viagra, Cialis et al, or steroids (at first), improves a man’s sexual performance. The men might think it does but drunks think they’re witty too and all of that comes sliding down around their ankles the very first time they get punched in the face. That night.
No, they lower inhibitions, shift boundaries, make some more chatty, some more relaxed, but all of this hoohah about improving sex? Much less than likely really since that’s just a convenient thing for thems that are there more for the drugs and less for the sex might say. And something you might believe until it starts to interfere, which it always will.
”Heroin has always been a sex enhancer for me and my partner,” said someone in a Deep Web drug forum. “But lately it has really starting to have a negative impact on my sex life. It won’t go up! But I have gone from about .2 a day to about .6-.8 a day.”
You see? A sizeable consumption increase and the man is confused about having troubles getting it up. A situation I believe he is publicly bemoaning probably only because his woman was looking over his shoulder while he typed since when given the choice between a loving relationship and a loving relationship with heroin, many who like heroin will decide that they really LOVE heroin.
Lou Reed said it best when he said, “it’s my wife and it’s my life.” So the deal is this: it interferes with the user’s ability to get and sustain an erection. The more he uses, the more it’ll affect aforementioned erection. Less, less. What’s “less”? Half of what he’s using now, no doubt. But good luck getting him to back off. That kind of thing works best when user initiated. Good luck.