Sex Tricks for the Sexually Talented

Sex Tricks for the Sexually Talented

Why you should care

Because life is too short to spend it having sex badly.

You have sexy questions? Eugene has sexy answers. Write. Now: Eugene@ozy.com

Best Practices

EUGENE, SIR: What’s the best sex trick you’ve ever heard of? —Andreas

Dear Now You See It: That’s like asking what my favorite letter of the alphabet is since the reality of it is there are no such things as sex “tricks”. There’s stuff that works. Stuff that really, really works. And stuff that almost never works. For all but a rare few, for example, poop never works. For most oral sex works. So what you’re asking about is the stuff that really, really works. Like aphrodesiac style. To which I have to say: cash. I find cash is the best sex trick ever. Everybody gets sexier knowing they don’t have to go to work tomorrow. Glad to help!

A Sexual SOS

EUGENE, SIR: My wife seems less excited about sex. We’re married four years. No kids. She seems plenty excited to see our next door neighbor who lifts weights in the backyard. But not so excited about sex with me these days. She also seems interested in his dog and in wearing short shorts and tank tops with no bra. Lots of bending down to pet the dog while leaning over so her breasts are visible. Also lots of walking around with fewer clothes on at night in front of our big glass doors. Should I be concerned and can I bring the magic back? —Jack

Dear No Doubt: Yes and maybe not. A Private Investigator friend of ours says it best when he says “if there’s any doubt, there’s no doubt.” Which is to say people are confession machines and it’s the rare sociopath that doesn’t leave breadcrumbs from where they are to what they’re doing. But for the rest of them, they’re speaking in a language that’s quiet but not silent. She may be doing nothing, acting on nothing, sometimes crushes are like this. It could just run its course and evaporate, leaving nothing but a bad taste. Or it could blossom into an affair that will ruin your life and teh screwed up part is there’s about a 50-50 chance of either happening.

Under these circumstances it’s very hard to be doing much thinking about “magic” and bringing it back. Most times I have discovered when it’s gone it’s not coming back but you’ve asked for help and I am here to give it. Resist the urge to try to “make her jealous.” This will have the exact opposite effect and will provide her with grounds to do exactly what maybe she hasn’t admitted to herself she wants to do. This is also why you should resist the urge to “act like” you don’t care.

No, your only way out of this is the very next time she lets you get in there that you go full-on amazing. Not in a way that stinks of desperation, not even just erotically competent. But hands down great. Which in this instance means channeling whatever is attracting her outside attentions anyway. Don’t copy them. Embody them. Talk less, listen more. A straight run may not win the day, but easing in by way of massage might work. Then foreplay. Not a little. But not too much. Then sex for as long as she wants and needs and afterward, no turning on the TV, farting or calling your Mother on the phone.

This may not help, but it probably won’t hurt. Good luck. You’re going to need it.

Comment

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