Why you should care
Because good orgasms are created, not lucked upon.
EUGENE, SIR: My man’s gotten very much into what we call “airplay”. Me riding on top of him and choking him as he gets closer to orgasm. If I put pressure on the side of his neck slowing the flow of blood to his brain and not on his windpipe he can breathe but passes out. He says this has given him the most intense orgasm ever. So far, so good. But it’s so intense he says he wants me to try it too. I’m perfectly OK having orgasms the way I’ve been having them and I’m nervous about them. He tells me if we stay away from the more intense “blood choke” and go for just the pressure on the windpipe I can always yank his hands away if it gets too intense. My curiosity about this all is mild but he’s being very insistent. Suggestions? — Letting Me Catch My Breath
Dear Aqualung: The hard sell is sort of a drag. I mean outside of green eggs and ham have you ever been hardsold on something that ended up being cool? Especially something like this for which some sort of practice will totally be necessary before pulling it off with some degree of tact and cool? Probably not but maybe that’s the point, he wants to practice to get to some sort of perfect? This I don’t know but as I spend the better part of my leisure time practicing choking people and being choked in the study of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu I can vouch for the fact that being choked out is certainly a noteworthy sensation. Erotic? Hell no, but then again that’s all context.
But choking people out? You’re totally relying on the choker’s presence of mind and ability to stop when they most need to stop for this to work. Otherwise you don’t wake up and they end up trying to explain that it was just a mistake. A great predictor of the future though is the past and the past of sex choking seems to indicate that your concerns are well placed and Kinsey Confidential says that it’s less than safe and suggests that it’s better to be safe than sorry.
It sounds like you’re careful when you’re choking him. But can he be counted on to be as careful with you? Will he? Questions you definitely need to have answered first.
EUGENE, SIR: My doctor prescribed some anabolic steroids for me for a medical condition I was having. He briefed me on what I might expect but I didn’t really pay attention preoccupied like I was with my condition. But after about a week things were different. Very different. Mostly in the sex department. Women, the ones who had heard about my problems, went from feeling sorry for me to lining up. My doctor is weening me off of them now but why is this even necessary? It seems like if it’s making my life better, why not let it? — A New Man
Dear Mr. Olympia: You know something else they don’t do a good job of selling well? The fact that your body is a homeostatic system. It seeks to equalize everything. So you introduce outside synthetic make hormones, the deltas between where you had been and where you presently are will be noticeable. Until your body figures it out and equalizes everything. This happens usually between 8 to 12 weeks of use. And then if you haven’t tapered off, well all of the fun comes screeching to a terrible halt. So be warned. Until then, depending on what you’re being treated for, enjoy what pro athletes around the world are willing to risk their careers over: the ability to have 16 hours of sex. In a row! Hahaha….!
EUGENE, SIR: I’m a cuck. My woman has traditionally enjoyed that I get off on having her have other men. We’ve been at this for four years now. Long enough that the problem just sort of snuck up on me. And that’s that while I am a cuckold and like watching her with other men, I am not into humiliation. In other words I do not find this humiliating. I think of it as a gift I am giving. But at first to play it up for them she started treating me like that was our thing. Now this has leaked into our play time. This needs to be quickly reversed. Tips for dialing things back a bit? — name withheld
Dear Enough Is Enough: Quickly? Y’all are four years into this so I expect “quickly” is not in the cards. But what IS in the cards? Time to maybe expand your vistas and move from threesomes to foursomes so you can have your cake and eat it too, so to speak. This may be off the contract of what you all had originally agreed to but so is you being treated like a door mat. I am sure other advice columnists would just advise you to speak up and say something like “stop talking to me like I am a worm” but nothing quite as feckless as asking someone to stop being mean to you. Besides foursomes have a great balance to them. You can watch your wife and the dude. The second woman can join in while you watch or all four of you can join in. Together or separately. Things will be so busy that there won’t be time for that annoyingly casual disregard and maybe a more friendly and equal footing will be found by all.