How to Plan an Orgy

How to Plan an Orgy

Why you should care

Because good sex is good, but great sex is better.

You have sexy questions? Eugene has sexy answers. Write. Now: Eugene@ozy.com

Post-Mature Ejaculation

EUGENE, SIR: Do any of those creams or pills that are supposed to delay the male orgasm work? I don’t need a lot of help, just a little. Seems like my lady always gets there about 30 seconds after me. I’ve tried everything but creams or pills but I don’t want to waste my money if they’re no good. — Eddie

Dear Early Bird: Let me explain how these creams work first. They, very simply, slow the pleasure responses by deadening the nerve endings in the same way a topical anesthetic might be used on a gum prior to a dental injection. You feel less. So the feelings that make you feel like you’re closing in on an orgasm don’t come as fast and furiously, so to speak. That might be the good part as far as you’re concerned but if you’re not using condoms the creams will also rub off on your partner, slowly their response as well. So two steps forward, two steps back. Doctors are recommending thicker condoms to achieve the same end without retarding your partner’s response. They also recommend grabbing the scrotum and gently pulling to get the testicles out of the go position.

But offmarket pills are crap and usually don’t work according to general reports. However, anti-depressants seem to work in slowing down the ejaculatory response. But they sometimes make orgasm actually impossible. However people are taking fluoxetine, paroxetine, sertraline and clomipramine to slow things down. Erection pills – Viagra, Levitra, Cialis – are also used here. Not so much because they slow the flow to orgasm but because they make it possible to go again even if the first go was a little too…fast.

But you know I’m no medical professional. I’m just a guy with a penis. So before you go taking any pills, talk to someone with Dr. in front of their name. Good luck, pardner.

In the Mood

EUGENE, SIR: I want sex with my wife but she, in general, is not comfortable with this. Can you help me help her get more comfortable with it? — Shubham Zade

Dear Senor Zade: Short answer: no. Longer answer: desire is a complicated calculus and turning it on requires super involved levels of thought to all manner of detail both small and large. OR you just have to be really really really sexy. The problem is what’s sexy to one is repulsive to another. No way at all for me to do the math from thousands of miles away to figure out what your wife likes and there’s not one size fits all.

But there is a caution and that is along the lines of what other advisers might advise and that’s “well just ask her.” While this will get you points for being caring people seem to find that which they discover is sexy sexier than that which they’ve asked for. For the same reason we wrap presents. We like to be surprised. But to make a good surprise not a bad surprise? Yup. That thinking I was telling you about earlier. Figure out what she likes and get after it, boy!

Orgy Time

EUGENE, SIR: After going to a few swinging parties and finding them not so great, My husband and I have decided to have our own. Anything we should watch out for or plan to make it better instead of worse? The ones we went to just had lots of people there who we wouldn’t have had drinks with never mind sex with. So guest list control is what we are thinking but anything else? — C.S.

Dear Caligulette: Well, you’re on the right path. Plan it like you’re planning drinks and know that if you wouldn’t/didn’t want to have drinks with them you’re not going to enjoy having your mouth on their genitals. Once you get that down, provide a variety of surfaces, spaces and places. Pillows, soft things to lay on. Also think about smells. Two hours in a room or a series of room with groups of more than 10 will start to smell exactly like that. Especially without the cloaking benefits of clothing. Water is always good to have around. Pools. Hot tubs. Showers.

If you have people there who are shy, try bowls of frozen fruit. To eat, suck on, or pass from mouth to mouth to break the ice and so on. Music too? Don’t have it suck. Nothing too intrusive, nothing so loud people can’t talk over it. Mostly couples too, with a smattering of single folks. Bowls of condoms.

And most importantly as far as I am concerned: a firm start time after which straggles will not be let in. Good orgies are like good plays, concerts or pieces of music. They have a rhythm and flow and character and latecomers will screw that all up. And remember if you don’t get it all right the first time there’s always the second time. Good luck.

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