Having Sex With Professionals

Having Sex With Professionals

Why you should care

Because “sucking” doesn’t always have to be a good thing.

You have sexy questions? Eugene has sexy answers. Write. Now: Eugene@ozy.com

Escorting Action!

EUGENE, SIR: A friend of mine used to have an escort agency. He socialized with his girls, because he said he really wasn’t a pimp and even though he handled their bank accounts and doctor’s appointments he was really more like a manager. That’s not the problem though. The problem is in hanging out with escorts I started having sex with escorts. I use condoms so I’m not so worried about occupational diseases but I was talking to a friend of mine who is a nurse and he said that I should be worried. He wasn’t even worried about HIV, but was scared out of his wits by hepatitis. He said this is not getting the same sexy press as HIV but it’s easier to catch and more likely to kill you. True? — Mikey

Dear Likey Mikey: He’s sort of right. As recently as two years ago we had crossed some kind of rubicon and more people were being killed by Hepatitis C than HIV, according to data from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. In real terms during the eight years of the study and on the basis of info gathered from 22 million Americans it was discovered that 15,000 had died from Hep C with only 13,000 dying from HIV. So there’s that.

Also, raw numbers are only part of the picture. HIV is really not that hardy of a virus. Certainly not when compared to Hep. The hepatitis virus can last on any surface for up to 30 days, it’s about 100 times more concentrated in an infected person’s blood, semen or vaginal fluids, and there are more ways to pass it along. You can get it from toothbrushes, nail clippers, razors, human bites, kissing.

But wait! It gets better. The condoms of which you previously spoke as protecting you? Yeah, well, HIV is about 0.1 microns small. Which, if you were checking, is small enough to squeeze through imperfections in almost every condom. And the U.S. Naval Research Lab found out that 33 percent of all condoms tested let HIV-sized particles through.

But you know the sex workers I know take their health much more serious than the general population so I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that they probably have more to fear from you than you have to fear from them. That being said though: you can get killed walking across the street. So being careful at all times probably makes good sense.

Hysterectomy to Me

EUGENE, SIR: I’m in my 40s and I had a hysterectomy but since I had it done in 2012 my sex life took a down hill turn since then. So please tell me what I can do to get it back up on track. Also the only thing seems to turn me on is watching oral sex. – Patricia

Dear Patty Cakes: Since what’s above is all you wrote I’m left to guess at all that was unsaid. Which is to say, I might be wrong. But reading between the lines I’d say you’re making some sort of connection between the hysterectomy and the downturn in your sex life. Meaning, maybe you were sensitive about post-surgery sex and post-surgery the sex did indeed suffer because of your sensitivities. But I’ll save you a lot of worry and heartache right now, there’s nothing about a hysterectomy that anyone with a penis will complain about. Sure, the vaginal canal feels shortened and there’s not a lot of wiggle room at the end like you might be accustomed to if you’re a man whose penis is long enough for this to be an issue, but on the plus side? If you’re sleeping with a man with a small to medium size penis, he will feel, suddenly huge. Seems to me to be a positive inducement to return.

But perhaps you’re referencing hormonal shifts that have knocked you off of your game? I’ve heard of this but anecdoctally I’ve heard things go the other way too. The bigger and more significant issue is, unless you have a clock at home that runs backward, you’re wasting time and need to get out there because “out there” seems to be a place you’d rather be. So I’ll say to you here and now: if any of the above have been holding you back? Don’t let them.

And in regards to watching oral sex…you know what is even hotter than that? Doing it and having it done to you. Something else you shouldn’t be waiting on either. However I’m fully aware that I’ve not answered your question, which for the purposes of those who have lost the thread this: how do I get back in the fucks-a-lot column and that’s much more than simple: just start putting yourself in positions to say yes. Email and the internet has made that easier than ever. I mean how is it possible to be 20 places at once? Email, baby. Hook up sites, places, parties. also known as “it all.” Once you offer, those interested in offers will take you up on them. This is not a guess. This is a promise. Now get out there and DO IT. Good luck!

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Square pegs. Round holes.