Bad Bondage + Bedding Bisexual Moms

Bad Bondage + Bedding Bisexual Moms

Why you should care

Because sex isn’t instinctual. If you’re doing it right/well.

A Knotty Affair

EUGENE, SIR: I have a very specific kink but not so specific that I believe being satisfied in the way that I want to be is all that outrageous of a thing to ask for. But I keep asking and the men I am asking keep on not delivering. Is it that hard to find a man who can tie me up? Using a decent knot? It seems like it. Is there a resource where I can point potential lovers before they become lovers so that I don’t have to suffer through their learning curve? — Krystal

Dear Clear: Interesting. Both from a gate-keeping perspective and in terms of you getting after what you really want. However, I’d first of all disagree that your kink is a general interest kink. In fact, the fact that we’re calling it a kink means it’s a specialty item. So expecting that large swaths of your surrounding population of available and interested men are going to be able to pull this off? Slightly unrealistic. But that’s not really the point as you’ve laid it out. So the question still stands: is there a place where a man can learn to tie a decent knot? I’m guessing you mean outside of The Boy Scouts of America?

Sure: The Internet.

An answer that was so incredibly simple that I suspect you were gatekeeping ME since there are some things anyone, with a little bit of personal initiative and drive, could figure out on their own. Tying a knot that works for whatever you desire it to work for is one of those things. In fact if I was you I’d make this part of your dating schtick. Lay it right out there: ”the key to getting me in bed? A butterfly knot. Don’t show up without knowing how to tie one. You will be tested. Before I open the door. Believe it.”

I have no idea how successful this will be but it’s worth a try especially up against a future of inexpertly tied slipknots. Good luck!

One Times Two

EUGENE, SIR: If your girlfriend slept with a famous guy would you be pissed off or flattered? They only had sex three times and each time I was out of town, so it’s not like it’s a regular thing. We talked about it immediately. I think I am cool with it. But having to see him all over the place like posters or her Facebook page sort of seems like it sucks. Can you ask and is there a consensus? I am leaning toward pissed off. — Thanks “Matt” “Damon”

Dear Bourne to Lose: Flattered? Hahahahahaha….you mean that a multimillionaire with a little free time on his hands decided to drop by your place in order to soil your sheets? Or that she stays with you even though you’re apparently neither famous or rich or able to spring for a half-hour here or there in between being famous and rich to bed your beautiful, uselessly honest girlfriend? Sure. Milk that cow if it’ll let you.

But my take, and keep in mind that I’m not big on foolishly pointless displays of jealousy, is that this is less about jealousy and much more about really fundamental questions of equity. Questions that need answers. Like: Are the two of them now done? If so, pat yourself on the back for having survived a threat to your administration and emerged from the other side with a good story to tell. If not, then you’re just waiting to die and this is no way for a grown man to spend his time UNLESS he’s getting paid to do so. Yup, just like work. A prison of measured time until a celebrity move is made that unseats you.

What’s the point of this? Unless he IS paying you in which case you have now become a pimp.

In any case, you have very few cards to play here since you have taken it in the past, ultimatums never work and you can’t compete with a billboard. So…start planning your exit, on your terms, and get a publisher.

A Mother’s Love

EUGENE, SIR: I have slept with the mother of a friend of mine. Totally unsure of what to do about this. I am sure my friend has no idea. That I slept with his mother or that his mother likes women. How do I fix this? — name withheld

Dear Trouble: There’s an expression that hews very close to the line of “if something’s don’t broken, do not try to fix it”. I have no idea based on what you’ve written whether or not this is an ongoing concern, how close the friendships are, if the mother is still in a relationship, whether or not you are openly gay or any of a half dozen variables. Not even knowing a single one though I can surely assured that wherever you’ve found yourself it’s well beyond being a place that “fixable”. Because no matter who the people are a revelation like this is going to cause some sort of agita. People generally don’t like to think about their parents having sex much less sex with a friend of theirs.

In general I like that old blues song line “don’t start me talking, I’ll tell you everything I know” as a guiding rule but in this instance? Yup: Mum’s the word.

See, what I did there? ”MUM’s the word”? Man. I am good.

Comment

OZYWildcard

Square pegs. Round holes.

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