Eugenious: The Oscar Drinking Game

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Why you should care

Because the problems of a multibillion-dollar business probably amount to a lot more than a hill of beans in this crazy world.

Hey, everybody — or at least the 94 percent of everybody who is lucky enough to be white and the 77 percent who happen to be male (hey, that’s ME) — the world is abuzz over the completely and totally unnecessary spectacle of the 88th awards ceremony for the “best” movies, otherwise known as “the Oscars.” And on the occasion of the Oscars it has also been noted that for a second year in a row — not to be confused with all those other years of bubkes — movies that couldn’t be bothered to be seen by 94 percent of everybody who is lucky enough to be white and 77 percent who happen to be male have drawn zero notice.

Except from the likes of the outraged.

And, oh yeah, men (me again) also make up 90 percent of five of the filmic branches (cinematography, visual effects and so on). And of the remaining 10 movie branches, 90 percent of those there are also white.

I mean, what are the chances that an industry run by 94 percent of everybody who is lucky enough to be white and 77 percent who happen to be male coincidentally finds films that are largely white and male to be significant? Isn’t it right and correct that they should award accordingly, and if you want more women and nonwhite folks in award-winning movies might it be suggested that women and nonwhite folks get good enough to get into award-winning movies?

Until then? Tom Cruise as Tupac Shakur in the biopic Where My Bitchez At?, Ryan Gosling as, you got it, Snoop Dogg in the same pic and Ben Affleck as Fred Sanford in the Sanford and Son reboot. (Real talk: Joseph Fiennes has been tapped to play the late Michael Jackson.)

Man. Those guys got range!

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