The Horror of Halloween Pet Costumery

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Why you should care

Because $350 million spent on pet costumes — THAT’S why.

If you didn’t think it was enough of a drag to have to skirt past people dressed as astronauts, Smurfs or pop culture approximations of everyone and anyone from Justin Bieber to Marilyn Monroe at the end of October, now there’s this: a $350 million annual industry for pet costumes. It’s bad to have to be routinely exposed to people’s love affairs with their pets — almost as terrible as listening to anyone’s dreams but your lover’s — but dogs dressed as Little Mermaids or cat superheroes is really, well, a bridge too far.

Which is to say: While we hate to spoil the party, it’s … actually, we don’t mind spoiling the party. Hey! Owners! Leave those pets alone! To paraphrase Pink Floyd. Because if G-d had wanted domesticated animals to wear headgear with dingle balls on them, they’d have been born that way!

We think.

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