Mad Libs: There Should Be a Tall-People Tariff

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Why you should care

Because … wait, can you even hear me down here?

OZY’s master of improv may have drawn the short straw on spinal cord, tibia and fibula, but she is really, really big on equality for all people. First in the Mad Libs series.

Taxation debates are as old as time. They fill presidential debates and awkward holiday dinners, and even formed the rallying cry of the American Revolution. So though we don’t presume to be venturing into a new topic, our suggestions may be a little unorthodox.

Tall people ought to pay more taxes than the diminutive. The author acknowledges her bias here as someone who constantly finds herself at elbow-level with the world. She concedes that constant knocks to her head may fuel such thinking, but this taxation scheme seems so obvious. First, tall people use more resources. They make more money. And they generally can thank better nutrition — along with, all right, superior genes — for their long limbs, according to a study published last year. Height variation is inequality of opportunity, expressed in physique. Plus, the tall benefit from unconscious bias in so many ways, including monetizable ones like salaries. For political candidates, being tall is a boost, according to one study.

Sorry, LeBron. Tall people could give an inch.

Video by Charlotte Buchen.

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Propositions that fall on the continuum between controversial and utterly insane. Sometimes we're tongue-in-cheek. Sometimes, dead serious.